Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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