I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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