Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
this hospital has no fireball
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
