How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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