idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You were trust falling into bushes
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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