I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
