Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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