her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
