Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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