I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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