I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
