fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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