Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
