im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
