I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
