i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
