I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
