Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
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after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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