Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Be still, my beating vagina.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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