And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
