You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I need water and some morals
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
