Everything about him screamed your future.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize