But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
