I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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