I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
