I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
