I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
