The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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