i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
