Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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