I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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