I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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