No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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