you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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