Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
