the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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