Screwed.edu
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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