so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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