Sry I called you an 8
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
