I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
