So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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