I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
