Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
