just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
