I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
