i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
