he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Two words: nipple clamps
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