How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
