i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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