I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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