If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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