when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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