My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I need a beard to bite.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize