Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
