i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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