god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
