my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
