I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
