Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
