dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
