so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
