I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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