I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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