I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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