They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
