We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
