we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
