Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
party gras won. party gras always wins.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize